The Greatest Job I Ever Had

Remember that old dot.com boom? The one where everyone worked in some crazy internet office and got paid craploads of money and then it all fell apart?

I do. Only too well.

I was one of those people that worked for one of those companies. I was the youngest guy working for the Portland office of Kozmo.com, an internet delivery company that was freaking awesome.

There were days at Kozmo when we were busy, where we were out delivering movies and various items all over the city of Portland. I worked there for some time and got to know the shortcuts and byways pretty well.

But when we weren't busy, that's when things got really awesome.

There was an Nintendo 64 and a Sega Dreamcast hooked up. There were couches and televisions and a fridge full of items no one had ordered, like Pizzicato pizzas and Odwallas. I was a driver, but many of my fellow employees were bike messengers who played in bands like Badger King. Seriously. One worker literally played in Badger King.

What's more, it was the last time I felt like I never worried about money. I don't even remember what we were paid, but I remember it was more than enough. Besides that, we also assumed the company would explode, and we'd all be in on the ground floor. We kept stats of delivery times, and I was consistently at the top. I thought, "If I can keep this up, I'll run this place someday."

I loved Kozmo.com, and I often refer to it as the best job I ever had and ever will have.

My dad was the one who told me it was shut down. I'd been expecting it, because what other kind of business runs properly while its employees are playing NBA 2k on Sega Dreamcast and watching Blazer games at the same time? I had to go into work that day, but I just stayed homed. I wouldn't have been able to get in anyway. The doors were locked.

I remember it as the pinnacle of American excess, and I experienced it to the fullest, even if I was 20 years old. When Kozmo.com died, a part of the American dream died. What more could you ask for? A job that paid insanely well and required very little work. Isn't that what the greatest generation fought for in WWII?

I only bring this up because The Onion's venerable A.V. Club reminded me of how good it could've been here.

I miss you, Kozmo and Badger King lady and all the other crazy bastards I worked with at The Best Job I Ever Had. I hope you are well.

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