31.10.08

Burnside Endorses: Nerds

Since it's Halloween and all, I thought I'd take a moment to publicly endorse my favorite candy of all-time: Nerds.

When I was little, I dreamed of having the special Nerds cereal bowl. Unfortunately, my parents were cheapskates and wanted to keep me healthy, so I had to live with Grape Nuts (which are like fibery Nerds) and picking the dates out of my bowl of Just Right.

Nerds are tiny. Nerds are packed with flavor. They are crunchy. Nerds come in two flavors, so you can save the best for last. They are tangy and sweet. During the holidays, Nerds come in tiny shot-sized boxes you can down in one gulp.

In recent years, Willy Wonka has spun off a slew of Nerd-based products, and I've tried nearly all of them. Unfortunately, they've all been uniformly awful. Nerds Rope, Giant Chewy Nerds and Nerds Gum are digusting, nearly sacrilegious deviations. The only decent spin-off was Dweebs, which came in a three-compartment box and were pretty decent (though still not as good as Nerds themselves).

But what makes me even more angry is Willy Wonka, through all their experimentation, has refused to give me the Nerd treat I've always dreamed of: a giant, fist-sized Nerd I could gnaw on throughout the day.

To fulfill this dream, I had to improvise. Here's your recipe for Nerds Bars.

1) Buy a box of Nerds.
2) Wait until Summer.
3) Put the box of Nerds on your dashboard in the morning.
4) When the sun goes down, peel away the Nerds box. The Nerds should have melted together into a bar shape.
5) Enjoy!

Let us know your favorite candy in the comments!

9 comments:

  1. Mini boxes of Nerds are the only non-chocolate Halloween candy worth anything.

    Down with Candy Corn! BOO!! HISS!!



    That being said, I do love me some Haribo Gummi Bears....

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  2. Wow! I literally just purchased two bags of Nerds for trick or treater's. And laffy taffy. We're all about the Wonka.

    Um, I must confess that I hide bags of candy corn in my car. Go through them while driving the kids around - who hate them - and then spend a week in a sugar coma.

    By Halloween, I'm ill from candy corn and don't want to see them again for 12 months.

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  3. I guess I'm all about the rolls of neatly stacked candies - my favs are Smarties (the oarnge ones taste like children's tylenol) and Sixlets.

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  4. Sour Patch Kids. Just plain awesome, and unlike most mainstream chocolate candies unlikely to be the product of slave labor.

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  5. I'm with you on Smarties (the american kind, not the british M&M knockoffs), kimberly. i'm generally a fan of fruity candy. after nerds, i'd probably list Jelly Bellys as my favorite candy.

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  6. @apn:

    I'm with you on the Haribo. I'm not sure why no one else can replicate the success of their gummi bears.

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  7. @jordan -- They use crack. It's a little-known additive in the Haribo....

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  8. I don't know' there's something about those mini boxes of Dots that come in the Tootsie Roll sampler bag. I kept telling myself, "there's only 4 or 5 in each box, so I can have more than one. . ." as I successfully ate EVERY SINGLE BOX in the bag.

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  9. i've been known to enjoy a good nerd rope every now and again.

    as for my favorite candy? tough call. there. I like Good & Fruity (tough to find), candy corn (brown and yellow), circus peanuts, sunkist fruit gems, and Haribo raspberries, to name a few...

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