20.12.08

Proposition 9 Passes; Coffee Banned in Utah

Salt Lake City, Utah. After passing by less than 3,000 votes, Proposition 9, which outlaws the sale of all caffeinated beverages, roasted coffee beans, and teas, has sharply divided the Salt Lake community. Coffee drinkers and Starbucks employees have twice staged marches and demonstrations at the Salt Lake City Mormon Temple in protest of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints’ efforts in support of the Proposition.

Herb Heffernander, an employee of the local coffee shop, Awesome Beans says more protests are planned. “We’re just so mad that they would take this away from us,” says Heffernander. “It’s only motivated by religion and it’s splitting families apart.”

However, the strife is not limited to LDS church members and coffee drinkers; divisions are surfacing among the Mormon faithful.

Doctrine and Covenants 89 simply states that ‘hot drinks are not for the body or belly’ and doesn’t clearly identify coffee or caffeine,” says Mormon Bishop Franklin Plopshelf. He also suggests that tea should be viewed in light of Joseph Smith’s revelation about herbs, which are for the use of man.

Many Mormons who supported Proposition 9 say it’s about the spirit of D&C 89. “Coffee is destroying this nation,” states Linda Low, a Salt Lake resident who worked on the Yes on 9 campaign. “It’s an abomination.” Low argues that Bishop Plopshelf is more concerned with the image of the church and it’s ability to reach out to the younger generation rather than a strict adherence to scripture.

The Local Coffee Roasters Association of Main Street has vowed to challenge the Proposition in court and more protests are expected. A claim of election law violations against the LDS church as also been filed by the Association, claiming that the church overstepped it’s tax exempt status by entering the political arena. The church has made no comment.

8 comments:

  1. Oh my word.
    I am speechless Bryan.
    I
    I
    I can't even respond.

    Oh my word.

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  2. wow, that was pretty convincing. i read the headline and thought it sounded like something out of the onion, then read the article and it sounded plausible. it took 10 minutes of googling, and i'm still only 95% convinced it's a joke.

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  3. I agree coffee is abomination. such a lovely, lovely abomination.

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  4. Another triumph of the separation of church and state! Love that government meddling! The best way to encourage moral behavior is legislation! Now, if we could just make religious legalism illegal...

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  5. This is intolerable. I'm going to go downtown and protest in front of the temple right now, snow or no snow! (But first, let me fix another cup-or-Joe to go to keep me warm.) See you down there.

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  6. Bryan Catherman is on the Lipton payroll

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  7. I just made a fool of myself by asking my Mormon-Utah resident- friend about this.

    He laughed at me.

    Thanks.

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  8. But more importantly, why isn't the news all over the white powder that has been found in Temple Square?? Oh wait, its snow.

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