3.3.09

The Editor - The Power of God.

I've been doing a bit of editing for some added income. The people I'm editing are not trained writers. I can't really say much more than that, due to disclosure agreements.

But some of the stuff I'm editing is...awesome. And I'd like to start sharing little bits from time to time. Some of the articles are Christian-based. Sadly, but not surprising, they also tend to be the laughingstocks, especially the ones including links to Chick tracts. This, for instance, was something someone wrote about the power of God:
"As he states in both the Old and New Testaments of the Holy Bible, he holds us in his hands to do with as he pleases. Who else but God could cause a baby strapped into a car seat that is buckled down to release the seatbelt and rescue a baby from a car wreck that tore and mangled its parents to death, leaving it peacefully sleeping in a kudzu patch?"

"Who else but God can cure a terminal cancer patient that dozens of doctors swear had a huge tumor, but it was gone the next time the patient went for a checkup?"
Would you be surprised if I told you it ended with a bit about how the Anti-Christ was coming? Of course not.

11 comments:

  1. Jordan, I demand more.

    That kudzu patch bit was gold.

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  2. Wow. That's... embarrassing.

    But... sort of funny, too. Can you share what these passages were destined for? A book? Magazine? Something that no one planned on reading anyway so maybe it's okay to let it slide and see who notices?

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  3. Sorry, Kevin. It's not a good time to risk jobs.

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  4. Love the baby-from-car-to-kudzu passage because it's so oddly worded that it sounds like the real hero was the seatbelt.

    That kind of stuff makes me cringe, and frankly be ashamed on behalf of my brothers and sisters in Christ. For every baby in the kudzu (which sounds like a Southern Christmas carol, but never mind), there are thousands of other child deaths with grieving families who don't get better answers than, "well, this one kid was tossed into the kudzu and slept through the whole thing."

    Drives me crazy. But I also love typing kudzu...

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  5. "who else but God would allow me to be a published writer."

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  6. Aaron Donley! Please read your emails, please? eh? April 4? sound good? eh? What's that?

    I agree with Hillary - typing kudzu is fun.

    kudzu
    kudzu
    kudzu

    Though I could not type it 6x quickly. I settled for 3x slowly.

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  7. "...it sounds like the real hero was the seatbelt."

    I can't tell you how long I laughed at that, Hillary. Why aren't you writing for us?

    The part about the column that cracked me up was that somehow the baby being saved was a miracle, and the fact it was orphaned isn't sad at all.

    Incidentally, I've found no record that this is an existing story, which makes its use of kudzu all the more poignant.

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  8. jordan: i can tell you as a fact that that story is true, because i... was that baby.

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  9. Holy Crap,

    The Baby in the Kudzu-- That child grows up to be the Anti-Christ! He's like Moses in the the basket, just different and evil...

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  10. "I swear you have a huge tumor," the dozen doctors said.

    I think I just woke up both of my fraternity neighbors, laughing so loud.

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