I Don't Want This Stupid Vacuum

I am highly entertained by door-to-door salesmen. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Maybe I get a kick out of their sales pitches, or maybe I just enjoy being polite. I don't know exactly why it is, but if somebody knocks on my door, I want to talk to them.

Now, the statistics of me actually buying something are significantly lower than me engaging in conversation. I can certainly say "no" to a salesman. I can say it a million times if it has to happen. But I'm just strangely fascinated by them. It's like a kid on a really crappy Christmas morning.

So many things run through my head as I'm conversing. If we're on my porch, I wonder what the neighbors must think. Surely they consider me an idiot for not sitting outside, polishing a shotgun and blasting some "Dueling Banjos" to let them know I'm not interested. Of course, my neighbors would hate me for doing that anyway and dropping the value of the entire block.

Of course, once I stop worrying about the REAL threat, I worry about whether or not this guy is here to rob me. I mean, I'm sure the useless crap in my house is super interesting to them. Is the market for a Nintendo 64 still pretty hot? 'Cause that could be in high demand.

And if he's coming into my house to sign something or give an in-home demonstration, then is my house going to look too much like a crackhouse? It's a house full of dudes. We're not horribly concerned with keeping the place presentable for all of the many guests we're always having over. Or perhaps it's a problem I've never considered before and my house doesn't look ENOUGH like a crackhouse.

Because that's the biggest issue: whether or not this guy actually wants to sell me something. Sometimes if somebody just agrees to listen it helps them with some sort of charity or they get a paycheck or something. But it's still their job to sell, and they make more if they sell, so sometimes you run the risk of somebody wanting to sell you something so badly they talk to you for over an hour. And that's the worst.

There's a common courtesy I will gladly share with somebody who is "just doing their job". But when it goes past that point into severe annoyance, all bets are off. I'm sure there is some great Christian analogy I could pull from this, like how maybe some pastors need to calm down some or maybe we need to do a better job of figuring out what "our job" is or something.

But I don't really care about making a point because you've been talking to me for over an hour now and I was supposed to be talking with my girlfriend a while back and I don't want to buy this stupid vacuum.


  1. My mom bought a full set of pots and pans at her door in 1965. I won't even buy chocolate.

  2. We were blessed/cursed with a light http://bestcanistervacuum.info colored carpet on the main floor.