Jenny McCarthy Suffers Blow In Her Battle Against Reason
by Jordan Green
Last month, researchers at the Center for Disease Control released a study in the Journal of Pediatrics which reached the unsurprising conclusion that exposure to vaccine antibodies does not lead to a higher risk in children developing autism.
"But what about Jenny McCarthy's son!?!" a million middle-class women with bachelors degrees just cried out in unison.*
Well, don't worry, ladies, because he doesn't have autism anymore. Jenny McCarthy, who is best known for being opposed to vaccines and not for being a Playboy model who hosted an MTV dating show in which she made farting noises, cured her son's autism. It's definitely not like he didn't have autism in the first place. Jenny McCarthy told us he did, and, as everyone knows, anecdotal evidence = the best kind of evidence.
Here in Portland, this kind of anti-vaccine bullshit is all the rage. And, look, I get it to some extent. For centuries, humans have put things into our bodies that have turned out to be harmful. But it doesn't really make sense that the government would want to secretly give kids autism. Maybe they want more scientists? Hell, maybe something in vaccines is harmful. The studies keep saying otherwise, but whatever, live and let live, right?
Except not vaccinating kids means diseases that were once nearly non-existent in the United States are coming back, and those diseases can mutate until our vaccinations no longer work. I know that sounds crazy and all, but it's science. So my daughter and every other child who lives alongside those kids is now in danger because some mom's friend once said something about vaccines and the mom was all like, "NOT MY BABY!!! NOOOOO!!!" I don't know what happened, and I don't know why well-educated, thoughtful people are completely losing their minds over this whole subject, but it's happening, and reasonable responses don't seem to be getting through.
Not all that long ago, children would get whooping cough and polio and they would straight up die. We live in an era and place where children don't die from these diseases anymore, because science figured out an incredible way to assist our immune systems. Let's keep it that way. Get your kids vaccinated.
* I don't have a bachelors degree. It's a demographic joke.