Jenny McCarthy Suffers Blow In Her Battle Against Reason

Last month, researchers at the Center for Disease Control released a study in the Journal of Pediatrics which reached the unsurprising conclusion that exposure to vaccine antibodies does not lead to a higher risk in children developing autism.

"But what about Jenny McCarthy's son!?!" a million middle-class women with bachelors degrees just cried out in unison.*
Well, don't worry, ladies, because he doesn't have autism anymore. Jenny McCarthy, who is best known for being opposed to vaccines and not for being a Playboy model who hosted an MTV dating show in which she made farting noises, cured her son's autism. It's definitely not like he didn't have autism in the first place. Jenny McCarthy told us he did, and, as everyone knows, anecdotal evidence = the best kind of evidence.

Here in Portland, this kind of anti-vaccine bullshit is all the rage. And, look, I get it to some extent. For centuries, humans have put things into our bodies that have turned out to be harmful. But it doesn't really make sense that the government would want to secretly give kids autism. Maybe they want more scientists? Hell, maybe something in vaccines is harmful. The studies keep saying otherwise, but whatever, live and let live, right?

Except not vaccinating kids means diseases that were once nearly non-existent in the United States are coming back, and those diseases can mutate until our vaccinations no longer work. I know that sounds crazy and all, but it's science. So my daughter and every other child who lives alongside those kids is now in danger because some mom's friend once said something about vaccines and the mom was all like, "NOT MY BABY!!! NOOOOO!!!" I don't know what happened, and I don't know why well-educated, thoughtful people are completely losing their minds over this whole subject, but it's happening, and reasonable responses don't seem to be getting through.

Not all that long ago, children would get whooping cough and polio and they would straight up die. We live in an era and place where children don't die from these diseases anymore, because science figured out an incredible way to assist our immune systems. Let's keep it that way. Get your kids vaccinated.

* I don't have a bachelors degree. It's a demographic joke.


  1. You don't have a bachelor's degree? For some reason, I find that surprising.

    I don't want to sound as if I am defending McCarthy. I am not. I have kids, and they have their shots.

    That said, while the anti-inoculation folks make a lot of crazy assertions, they make some valid ones, too, and that gets lost. Here in TX, a few years ago, the governor issued an executive order that all girls under age 9 must get a vaccine against a certain type of cancer that results from a virus that is sexually transmitted. A loud protest pointed out that the extremely low occurrence of sexual activity among 9-yr-olds does not warrant a widespread vaccination program. I stand by that. It doesn't matter if the vaccine in question causes autism, as McCarthy may allege. It's still a stupid idea which benefitted a particular company (the only one which manufactured said vaccine at the time) at the expense of all taxpayers, and never brought before legislators or voters for their consideration.

    My point being: not all who caution against vaccinations are using crazy arguments for doing so.

    1. I agree, James, and I understand the companies behind vaccines are susceptible to corrupting influence the same as any corporation. Like many Portlanders, I have an innate distrust of authority, and I don't just automatically trust everything I hear.

      Really, it comes down to a case-by-case basis, and when considerable research from reputable organizations like the Journal of Pediatrics or the AMA come up, I'm far more likely to buy the line.

      Also, here in Portland (and other left-leaning enclaves), the thought process is a bit different. If I lived in conservative areas, where trust in corporations is high, questioning those in power is advisable. In Portland, it's more like everyone needs to calm down. Not every influential organization is out to get you, you know?