Bits of Life
Orville Wright held the tiny bird in his hands. “Tell me your secrets,” he whispered. “Tell us how mankind can share the skies with you.” But the bird would not speak. Then, raising the bird to study it closer he noticed something that would change history forever. Rushing off, he returned waving a plastic baggie containing bird testicles in front of it’s face.
I reached for the doorknob, not knowing what was on the other side. I flung it open wildly, only to find the closet was empty. Relieved, I notified my wife I couldn't sweep the house.
Beating the Odds
Why is it that some people (who don't exist) can drink and smoke until they're a hundred and not get sick and then people can use (a rumor of) that example to do the same? How do they get away with it! (They don't.)
Hey kid, did you know if your wish travels at the speed of light it'll only take 10,000 years to get to that star you wished on last night? Hey, but won’t ponies be extinct by then?
On Getting Trapped
Here's an idea, if you get pregnant with identical twins, go ahead and separate them at birth, then never let them know about or see the other one so you don't have to bother with the inconvenience of talking to your ex. Also, remember not to be a part of the other one's life in any way. Go ahead and let the other twin think you simply don't care about them. Hey, if that's what it takes so be it. Anyway, you've got your twin, and he's got his. So much easier for the both of you that way. One more thing; be sure to ship them off to camp for the whole summer so you don't have to deal with the one kid you do have. If they meet in camp and discover the truth and then upon returning home switch places, throw a fuss about the whole thing during the romantic dinner they plan for you.
I bet if you grew up in a place where raw sewage ran through the streets and moved away, you'd kind of miss the sewage. Then someone would say, 'sounds like a waste of good sewage to me,' and you'd loose it and attack them.
More Bits of Life can be viewed at: http://aarondonleybitsoflifearchive.blogspot.com/